Ranging Mom

If you 'really' know me you know I have a mid-life crisis, total meltdown, expected in 2009. It's not that I expect 2009 to be especially stressful, it is only that I am delaying all crisis problems until 2009. I anticipate that shortly after my youngest child graduates from high school I will simply 'let loose.' I've been working to align my finances to be clear by then. I can then go get MY shiney sports car, or book a series of cruises, or pack up my home and simply MOVE. I don't know what may happen then so I don't know what form my rebellion will take. It is just that I will be able to have ME time after 20 years of being second to the needs of the children. I've been warning friends and family for the past year or so, and there are two years yet to finish, for I do not intend to feel guilty in 2009. I hope my husband is taking my warnings as seriously as my children do...

Current Mood: intimidated

Yes, it is a quick jump from the last post to this one. Yesterday my daughter and I went to our favorite vet and had Gia put to sleep. Her cancer was so bad she could no longer close her mouth all the way and then the last two days she was having trouble eating. I called off from work because the kids were off from school, I didn't want to have things done behind their backs. My son didn't want to come, daughter and I held and petted Gia to the end and beyond.

Umm, can't post more right now. Can't see for the tears.

Current Mood: sad

Just got the news this week, my 12+ year old Golden Retriever puppy with experience has cancer. The vet doesn't think Gia will make it past this summer. I don't think I am up for Chemo so it will be steriods. Aside from a large tumor under her left ear there is no sign of a problem, Gia certainly doesn't care. Doing Internet research I see why the vet could quickly tell me what was wrong. Too many Goldens get cancer these days, 1 in 5. What happened to the days of my childhood where the dogs simply went to a quiet place, lay down, and died peacefully?

Current Mood: crushed

Daughter is going to Florida with the music department, we managed to make all the payments for the trip. Son is to go canoe, still have to pay that one. Bit of a bonus, found out my regular house insurance includes flood coverage so got my Federal Flood Insurance check returned (yipee). Still, I have hopes to be debt free in 2009- just in time to pay college costs for earlier mentioned daughter. Such is life.

I've not been journalling since even I don't care to read my thoughts lately. Not much happening, really.

Current Mood: grumpy

I received an email from the band director of our Senior High School band. It is an answer to a question I asked about my daughter's flute and piccolo. He said:

"I do have a concern regarding the piccolo. It is my policy that students use standard colored instruments when performing in public. If not, it sets a precedent that everyone could have various colored instruments that would not look uniform at all. "

My concern is that the director NEVER told us, verbally or in writing, that the instruments were unacceptable. And these were bought two years ago, before the current director was hired at the school, and have been used in concerts for the past two years. I asked for an exception and he said:

"However, in order to keep a uniform look throughout the band, I can not make an exception. This also applies for the Concert Band and Wind Ensemble. At the Sr. High the students dress in concert
black (black and white tuxedos and gowns) for their performances. I have the same expectation for standard instrument color for these ensembles. I hope you can understand my reasoning."

Ummm, no I cannot. What is wrong with a good working muscial instrument producing a correct musical sound? Must a child be punished for enjoying her flute/piccolo just because it is purple? And my kid is not going to be in the first row anyway, who is going to care what color her flute is? Darn teacher has taken the joy out of band for my kid. One who was so enthused that I've had to remind her to practice 5 times in the last 6 years, she had just happily kept playing for the fun of it.

I've not told my daughter the news yet. I think she'll accept a loan of a silver piccolo for marching band. There has been no offer of a silver flute for concert band, I don't know what we'll do then.

I find it difficult to accept the director's ruling since it is based only on his idea that 'it doesn't look nice.'

Current Mood: aggravated

I'm thinking that family reunions are worse than School Reunions. Perhaps I'm just expecting more from family? Snide comments from classmates I'll seldom or never see again can bounce off my hide easier than those of 'beloved' family. The gossip is sharper at the family event as well. And about as accurate, LOL.

My mother was on the 'wrong' side of the family feud. The split was due to inheritance, of course. As if grandma had much to share with all her kids anyway... Greedy folks abound in both mom's and dad's families, there was a clash when my dad's father died back in 1967. There is no rich relative in my family tree, NONE at all. Why do the vultures expect to benefit from someone's death after a fine 80 years of life?

I skipped the reunion this year. I had intended on going, even had the day off, but due to unexpected bills I ran out of funds for travel. It is a 2 1/2 hour drive to where they were gathering, but I would spend most of my day with my brother and his family so generally worthwhile. If my godmother, also on the 'wrong side' of the family, had attended I'd go to support her (and because I've missed visiting with her) but she had hip replacement surgery.

So what did I miss? Sniping at people I probably didn't know or can't remember and a chance to provide more fuel for the gossip engine as regards me and mine. But I'd have prefered to go and try to reconnect with folks I've not seen for years and to recall good times. My rose colored glasses are always worn for reunion planning.

Current Mood: melancholy

I wanted to take my 15 year old niece on a trip with my 15 year old daughter. Can't. Their schedules won't mesh. One's sports requirements doesn't fit with the other's band requirements. Ever. All summer. I'm only needing 2 days, consecutive, and we could be off. Bah...

Current Mood: crushed

I know that 'you can never go home again' is very true, especially if you left home 30 some years ago, but...

My baby brother tells me they are building hotels in the old home area. Hotels. For a place that has no features to visit. There are no parks, historic sites, fancy anythings to see and certainly one would not need to stay overnight to catch a second dose... But brother dearest says they had 2 new hotels open last year and these are generally filled most nights. Now 2 more hotels are being built.

If you are not familiar with the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania this next may be very confusing. My home was in Center Township, out near the Beaver Valley Mall in Monaca, Pennsylvania. Note the word 'township,' it is a place without a borough/cityscape, without a post office, without much of anything. When I grew up there we had cornfields across the street and woodlots to play in. (long gone.) Center Township does have its own school system, one where my class of 269 students was record breaking. The schools are looking to join with the Monaca school district these days, says brother, due to declining enrollment. So, talking small town here. There is the Community College of Beaver County (CCBC or cacabucka in local speak) and a branch campus of Penn State in the area, but neither are very large in size or enrollment.

4 hotels. For what? Shopping at the Mall? I hear the whole area there is getting paved and shopping plazas are covering every inch of what was once a beautiful golf course (bazillion years ago, or 1970ish). I try to avoid that mess whenever I visit. Then there is Shippingport, first commercial nuclear power plant, right at hand. Have they started tours there or something? Another reason to AVOID the area, in my mind.

The whole area does have one slice through it. Route 60. Connections to the Pittsburgh Airport and on to Pittsburgh itself. I can get from baby brother's house to the airport in 30 minutes or so. Pittsburgh groweth. The amoeba is getting larger.

Current Mood: nostalgic